So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
