I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
