Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
