i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
