My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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