The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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