I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
