But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
