I think im going to throw up on grandma
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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