i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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