I cannot find my penis.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
