Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
