Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
