Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
