don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
