i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
