i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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