It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
