I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
