I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
