tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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