I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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