matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
