I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He kissed a someone with a penis
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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