Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
