I am in a vortex of obligation.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
