you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
