I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
