I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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