i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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