Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
