just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
