am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
