I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
