upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
