I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
