Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
