I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
