You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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