Where is the hickey?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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