Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
