I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
