I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
