if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
