well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
