Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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