I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
