I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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