i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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