I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
