not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
