I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
