lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
