my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i have two assholes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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