Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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