remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
